Sunday, August 01, 2010

Sharki arrested in NJ for public drunkenness and lewd behavior

Seaside, NJ - A sand shark variously known as Sharki, JTeef, Reefster, and The Chompster, was arrested Saturday by New Jersey police for public drunkenness and public nuisance.

The shirtless shark reportedly cruised the shallows making threatening gestures to small fish, then swam ashore to make lewd comments to onlookers. It then flashed its bottom at shocked beachgoers and swam back towards the open sea.

New Jersey Fish Police were ready with a drag net, which they used to haul the suspect aboard. Before posting bail, the toothy enfant terrible spent the night thrashing in a holding tank. Sharki's lawyer, in a statement, seemed to be preparing a case based on mistaken identity, stressing that "Nets are overbroad tools resulting in many unfortunate victims of alluvial profiling in coastal areas. At the time of the incident, my client was simply spending time with his chums."

MTV's cameras were on hand to record the scene for its upcoming season of a new reality spin-off series tentatively titled The Reel World.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFVeibNMhLg


Friday, May 14, 2010

Let's celebrate "Everybody draw Mohammed Day"!

May 20th is "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" -- join in the festivities as non-intolerant assholes tweak the beards, pluck the eyebrows, and twizzle the sticks up the asses of intolerant assholes!

But let's remember. Tolerant or not -- the world can at least stand united in assholery.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Yee haw! It's a Reutin'-tootin' News Roundup!

Republican Nonsuperminority Roundly Critiques Obama's Anti-Asteroid Policy

Reacting to a report released today, Republican lawmakers criticized the Obama Administration for not doing more to protect the planet from asteroids and other "threats from science, such as Darth Vader." Administration officials hailed the complaints as evidence that many Republicans had moved accepted principles of cosmology beyond the heliocentric theory.

British Holiday Inns Allow Guests to Request Sex with Staff

Speaking in multiple double-entendres, Holiday Inn officials "clarified" that "all" "staff" "members" "will" "wear" "clothes" "while" "warming" "beds."


Investor Optimism High...

... As Investors Take Stocks to New Lows