Teens Greet Opening of First Iraqi Strip-Mall

Comments by Gayle Taylor (whose husband Kent is a military journalist himself) at a speech by US President (Ret.) George W. Bush have led many in the media to re-examine their coverage for evidentiary bias privileging the depiction of dramatic or "evil" situations over uninteresting or "good" situations.

We ourselves wish to enthusiastically re-avow (previous posts: 1, 2, 3) that all evidentiary discourse evinces angularity by virtue of its very existence, and to expect otherwise would be woefully weak-minded.

Accordingly, in this report, we engage in a pro-active effort to show "good" that is being done by ebullient Iraqis and their American advisors, in the anticipation that our etudes will enable, by force and/of example, engaged minds to proceed past puerile dialecticism and progress beyond good and evil like our colleague Mr. Nietzsche.

Despite a dearth of available data, Dark Matter is enthused to inveigle the reader's attention to the true fact that numerous Iraqi teens celebrated with enthusiastic ululations the opening of the country's first strip-mall, making it possible for cheap, ugly buildings hastily constructed by crooked, cost-cutting contractors to stand empty in an uninhabited area awaiting the encroachments of suburban sprawl, exactly as they do in the good old U. S. of A. Indeed currently no goods or services are offered in the mall, although military journalists would of course be quick to note that as soon as a need for cheap hair care products, rental furniture, tyres and budget electronics arises, the area will be instantly available for eager exponents of Western consumerism.

After the celebration and a modicum of typical teenage lolling-about looking for girls who will talk to them, the teens were ushered into the large troop transport vehicle which had provided comfortable conveyance to the site and were safely returned to their homes in bombed-out neighborhoods of Baghdad and Kirkuk.

US, Iraqi Forces Report "Significant Progress" Against Uninhabited Patch of Desert

In an effort to gain ground against stubbonly persistent insurgent forces, US and Iraqi security forces have launched massive airstrikes against a 500 square meter patch of uninhabited desert, in the largest airborne bombing operation since the initial invasion.

Reports from the field corroborate the Pentagon's report of "significant progress." According to US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, bombs are striking targets with a high degree of accuracy and there has been "massive loss of habitability" in the affected area, with minimal collateral damage. Coalition and insurgent casualties have been minimal.

According to Rumsfeld, the attack is part of a coordinated strategy to eliminate possible insurgent strongholds or potential strongholds and to build confidence among troops. Future plans call for attacks against adjacent areas, and to expand in scope until all uninhabited areas of Iraq have been rendered inhospitable to insurgents.

Commanders are said to be cautiously optimistic that ground troops will soon be able to move into the bombed-out zone without unreasonable difficulty.