Condemned, Connected Turkey Sends Final Tweet to Followers

Wednesday, Nov. 25--With a fast dip of his head, "TGobblr" pecked the trackpad of his laptop, sending his final tweet to legions of followers via Twitter today.

The poignant message read, in full, "pl8s ahoy gbl".

The Standard Bronze turkey, who began Tweeting in 2008, had received global attention for such tweets as "j89okj" and "8iuuyyyu, uuu uuu," messages interpreted as having communicative, even allegorical meaning, although naysayers suggested he was only pecking keys on the keyboard with symbols that looked like seeds, rocks, or small bits of straw.

Some controversy followed a message in October when he briefly escaped from his feedlot after sending the message "ou7&uwb2" ("Out, and you will be too") with concerns expressed that plans were afoot for a massive turkey rebellion could end the dominance of Big Turkey. It was later determined that the plot was carried out (as was the bird himself) by activists without prior connection to TGobblr.

It is reported that although TGobblr enjoyed life outside the feedlot, upon learning of the plot to use his tweets to end world meat production, TGobblr escaped freedom and returned to his previous home, tweeting "a11fleshe1sgra55e," which to many signified acceptance of his fate.

Burger King searches for new Prime Minister

Nov. 20 -- Burger King’s ruler began sounding out party leaders as the chain restaurant, embroiled in tensions between counter staff and French fryers, seeks a new prime minister following the election of Birdie the Early Bird as Prime Minister of rival McDonaldland.

The 52-year-old monarch, who by decree has no name except "The King" and who faces continuing physical difficulties such as a stiff walk and expressionless face after a massive stroke paralyzed him in 1983, met today at the Royal Palace with Whopper Jr. and Sir Shakes-A-Lot, both rumored to be shortlisted for the position.

The Duke of Doubt, leader of the Burger House of Lords and an outspoken opponent of the King's policies, expressed concern that no suitable candidates would be found.

The new Prime Minister of the Burger Kingdom will face an era of heightened tensions with rival territories McDonaldland and Kentucky after Sneak King was revealed to have engaged in covert foodservice operations in areas claimed by both.

The King, through a spokesman, has recently called for “a new era of dialogue, unity and action,” and has vowed to "root out cholesterol" in a massive anti-childhood atherosclerosis campaign introduced last year.