Giant rocket engines being used in secret NASA project to turn back time

Revolutionary new rocket engines developed by NASA are being used to slow and, it is hoped, reverse the rotation of the earth.

The engines, which are 200 metres high and 300 metres across, are reportedly "extremely efficient" compared to rockets in everyday use. They have been affixed to over 20,000 locations across North, Central, and South America and are "firing constantly," said a high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity.

By firing against the direction of Earth's rotation, a slowing and reversal of time is anticipated.

While the time stoppage will not be noticeable to ordinary residents of the planet, it will allow Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed President (Ret.) George W. Bush and a specially selected team of time travelers, including Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice -- all of whom are continuing to spin at normal speed -- to travel back in time. According to sources, they plan to visit and lend assistance at several important historic events, including a deadly typhoon in Japan on November 7, 2006; a magnitude 6.4 earthquake in Bingöl, Turkey on May 1, 2003; and the sale of the first bikini on July 6, 1946.