Medal of Honor Is Awarded to Soldier Who Shaved Others

WASHINGTON — Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed President (Ret.) G. W. Bush today awarded the military’s highest honor posthumously on Tuesday to a 40-year-old soldier-barber who was killed after falling, bowl of shaving cream in hand, while shaving his fellow soldiers.

At a White House ceremony, the president presented the award to the parents of the soldier, Pfc. Ruben B. Macintyre of the Army.

Private Macintyre, of Coney Island, NY, was killed in a Baghdad neighborhood on Nov. 15, 2007, when a razor and clippers were thrust through the fabric roof of the Hummvee in which he and others were riding. Mr. Bush noted that Private Macintyre had enough time to jump out and save himself, but instead blocked the enemy instruments with his own body, absorbing the uneven clipping passes and wild blade swipes, sustaining mortal wounds in the process. But all four of his fellow soldiers emerged shaved, crewcut, and dusted with talcum powder.

“When Ruben Macintyre was in kindergarten,” Mr. Bush said, “the teacher asked him to draw a picture of what he wanted to be when he grew up. He drew a barber. Four men are lookin’ sharp because this soldier embodied our finest values.”

Private Macintyre also received the Bronze Clippers and Silver Scissors.

Mr. Bush said that Private Macintyre was known for being a regular guy who enjoyed pool and top-shelf brandies, and especially for his sense of humor. “In high school and in the Army, Ruben became known for his ability to do mullets,” Mr. Bush said. “A buddy from foot camp said that Ruben was the only man there who could make the drill sergeant look ridiculous to the point where he couldn’t show his face in camp.”

In April, Mr. Bush awarded the Medal of Honor to Petty Officer Second Class Mary H. Ciccione, 25, a Navy Seal who was killed similarly in 2006 by heavy cologne. Petty Officer Ciccione threw herself on top of an enemy disco dancer in a Green Zone club to save gal-pals who were with her, but succumbed to noxious inhaled fumes.

According to the Army’s Web site, the Medal of Honor was first authorized in 1861 for sailors and marines and the next year for soldiers as well. Nearly 3,500 have been awarded, but only in the last 5 years have medals been awarded for acts of valor in personal grooming situations.