Nobel Prizes Decried as Partisan

In a rare rant from the podium of the White House, US President George W. Bush (Ret.) today raged against the Nobel Foundation, awarders of the Nobel Prizes, for its "unswerving" dedication to "partisan ideology."

As Bush noted in his comments, "The Nobel Prize for Literature has consistently supported writers espousing left-wing ideologies. The prizes for Chemistry and Physics have consistently supported scientific approaches to innovation. And the prize for Peace has consistently supported persons whose ideas tear at the very foundation of our shared values. It is delusion to believe otherwise."

Bush pointed out that British playwright Harold Pinter used the 2005 literature prize award ceremony, held on December 7th, as a forum to "air unfounded grievances against United States policy, decisions he couldn't possibly have any idea about."

When asked what action, if any, might be taken to correct the situation, Bush answered, "They oughta be strung up by their feet and asked why they so blatantly promote partisan goals." "Given the volatility of the world today after September 11th," he said, "I think they need to let a little air in and consider other perspectives."

In over 100 years of activity, the Nobels have been awarded to a wide range of personalities across professional disciplines. The Foundation was created in 1895 by Swedish industrialist Alfred Nobel, who invented dynamite in 1866.