NY Globalization Protest Results in Aerial Gunfire, Death

In New York today, the untimely death of a seventy-two year old Polynesian actor (name withheld pending notification of relatives) has prompted questions about excessive force used in response to protest actions. After a Broadway performance, the actor reportedly entered a restricted space atop the Empire State Building and may have utilized explosives or weapons to send debris hurtling to the street.

Former associates said his actions were most likely intended to express opposition to economic and social exploitation of small islands' impoverished economies, and that he was also incensed by US efforts to add "intelligent design" to school curricula in place of evolutionary theory.

The actor was killed and fell thousands of feet to the ground after onlookers reported hearing gunfire from circling aircraft.