Bin Laden Tried to Obtain Frequent Calling Plan

According to US National Security Administration sources, Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden has made so many calls to the United States that he tried, unsuccessfully, to obtain a discount on calls from AT&T International.

The document was not read by a human being for several months after receipt. Instead, the application, clumsily filled out by hand in pencil, was rejected automatically by a data entry/application review computer system. The stated reason for rejection was the applicant's credit report, which indicated he was "dangerously overburdened" and "probably unable to make regular payments," despite enclosure of a personal video stating that Bin Laden needed the plan to be able to call friends and family in the US and other countries, and despite $100,000 in cash with the document in an envelope marked "for receiver," both of which were not considered by the computer.

The application sat in a rejections file for several months before a human supervisor reviewed the list before they were to be discarded. The supervisor promptly forwarded it to the NSA, and was commended for his "quick and patriotic response."

The NSA pointed out that its controversial domestic spying program was intended to "short-circuit" such attempts by terrorists to gain discounts and other advantages over the US and its allies.