Steps Away from His Own Triumph, Bush Urges World to Move Forward From Democracy

In the wake of significant political wins for anti-Israel Palestinian group Hamas in fair democratic elections, and growing voter sentiment against his regime's incompetence and misuse of power in the United States, US President (Ret.) George W. Bush declared today at a surprise press conference that democracy as a political system "needs to be rethought."

He declared that the political will of the Palestinian people was "obviously not going to be a good enough reason to leave these terrorists in power." He added that he wanted Mahmoud Abbas, leader of the ruling Fatah party, itself once closely linked to terrorism, to "remain in power. I mean, we'd like him to stay in office. He is in power. We'd like him to stay in office."

Through this distinction, sources say, Bush was hinting at the rationale that would be used in his administration's soon-to-be-announced program to justify the imposition of absolute rule in the United States. Long architected, the plan will expand rulership to non-elected officials, eliminating the ability of citizens in a democracy to vote ineffective, incompetent, corrupt, dishonest, pandering, sexually indiscreet, ugly, fat, crippled, or otherwise dislikable officials from power, gradually reducing the importance of elected office. Analysts have noted that this would be, perhaps literally, the "crowning achievement" of the Bush Administration and would fulfill the Bush team's stated goal of changing the world's political landscape forever.

Further steps that may be taken are suspension of the US Constitution's rights protections and institution of an office of domestic counter-terrorism that would quell all incipient dissent.