Yes Virginia, There is A Panty Clause

According to an article in today's Washington Post, the CIA is also engaged in intrusive domestic surveillance. While the NSA engages in warrantless wiretapping and interception of electronic communications, the CIA has embarked on a secret program of surveillance of women's undergarments. As the article details, however, a victim has blown the program wide open and it may never be the same again.

According to the Post, CIA employee George C. Dalmas III was arrested January 31st on suspicion of breaking and entering a number of houses in Virginia. A search of his home revealed "a stunning trove of cash, jewelry, antiques, license plates -- and bags filled with more than 1,000 women's undergarments." However, once his CIA connection was discovered, charges were dropped and Dalmas was released on a "national security exemption" under clause 834.15.a of the Virginia penal code dealing with unlawful entry, which reporters covering the case now refer to as "the panty clause."

Leaks from inside the CIA indicated that Dalmas was managing a program to ensure that US citizens were protected from Al Qaeda threats against "their most private possessions," and that he believed he had the authority to ensure that Al Qaeda would have no contact with US undergarments.

News of this program follows recent revelations that White House cat "Socks" was bugged during the Clinton Administration and the US government's secret experiments on corporealization of language.

CIA representatives quickly took full responsibility for the program, stating that they had been granted the authority by Congress to ensure that no American citizen would have to fear finding Al Qaeda or other anti-US operatives using US undergarments for any but the most patriotic of purposes. It is unknown whether the program had been approved through the FISA court system.