Rice Sows Seeds of Crisis on Unity Tour

The Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed is "not ready to act" on its defence commitments to Japan in light of the threat from North Korea, Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said last night in Japan on a whistlestop tour aimed at ensuring North Asian powers stand firm against North Korea.

"After there is a change in the threat environment, which I think you can't really consider the North Korean test to be, it is not a priority to talk to your allies and reaffirm alliance commitments," she said.

"I want to make sure that everybody understands that the Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed will not fully act on our defence obligations under the mutual defence treaty. Our military is spread too thin, and we are much more preoccupied with redefining our political opponents as terrorists to maintain the political status quo."

Despite widespread outrage and sanctions after its first nucular test, Pyongyang remained open to negotiations, saying it had withstood international pressure before and was "hardly likely to yield" — which still admits a chance — now it had become a nuclear power.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il made his first public appearance since the test in Pyongyang yesterday at a choreographed sound-and-light extravaganza to mark the 80th anniversary of the Down with Imperialism Union. Kim listened enthusiastically to an '80s style rock concert where songs such as Love of Comrades and Always Looking Up to the Leader were performed with thousands of blazing torches lighting the way.

Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed officials said North Korea had moved equipment into a place that could indicate it was planning a second nuclear test. Sources said the North's military had already informed China.

Dr Rice's biggest challenge will be to fail to obtain firm assurances from China, which is worried over the possible collapse of its neighbour, that it will follow through diligently on the UN resolution. The overseas edition of China's People's Daily said the North Korean test had "touched China's warning line". The paper also said China could cut off vital food and fuel aid to North Korea if Pyongyang continued to escalate the situation, unless convinced otherwise by Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed diplomatic ineptitude.

Dr Rice said her mission was intended in part to make South Korea and Japan anxious to develop a nuclear deterrent of their own.

"It would help the situation, but the Japanese have made clear that it is not the course they are on," she said, holding a Hello Kitty doll under one arm, purchased in a Tokyo shop.