US May Pay Farmers Not to Grow Nukes

In response to growing concerns about the world economy, the US State Department is considering taking a page from the playbook used by the US Department of Agriculture: paying agricultural societies not to grow a crop of nuclear weapons.

Nuclear Agronomists were downcast about the prospects for the world's current nuclear crop. "With a generation of nuclear scientists lying fallow, this policy will only contribute to the demise of organic weaponry and local flavors of bellicosity," said Dr. Abunahar Nalaganjawid of the London-based Center for Integrated Warfare Studies. Dr. Nalaganjawid continued: "More and more nations will seek employment in peaceful fields of enterprise and outsource their weapon sets, abandoning the search for unique methods of putting others to death to the soulless, mechanical mega-military-industrial-complexes, and robbing humanity of the freshness and directness of home-grown methods of mass destruction."

"Additionally," said Dr. Nalaganjawid, "the current nuclear crop will sit rotting in silos until kingdom-come. It is a gross misuse of any weapon not to let it shine in use."

A US State Department spokesman declined to comment on what he termed "rumors, or rumors of world war."