New Poll Depicts Scope of Catastrophic Failure of US Education System

In a recent poll conducted by the Pew Research Center, over 74% of respondents exhibited staggering stupidity.

42% expressed belief that humans and other living things have existed in their present form only.

18% believed that humans and other living things, including benobo monkeys, whose society is based on transactional sexuality, have evolved over time guided by a supreme being.

4% believed humans and other living things have evolved over time through an unknown mechanism other than natural selection.

10% "did not know" whether any of the other options, which included "evolved over time through natural selection," were correct.

The poll joins other recent results showing that 28% of Americans believe aliens have visited Earth in UFOs, and the 51% who in 2004 expressed belief that George W. Bush would make a good President, despite 4 years of evidence to the contrary.

The US National Education Administration did not return calls for comment.