Robertson Arrested, Charged with Ties to "Radical Christlam"

Radical Christian Broadcasting Network antipope Pat Robertson, who recently called for Christians to "take out" Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, was apprehended today after an assault on his fortified Virginia Beach, Virginia compound by a combined Navy SEALs and Army Rangers strike force. He will be held in the US military prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba without bail or trial, as he has been classified as an "illegal combatant" by the US Department of the Interior.

US President George W. Bush praised the efforts of US troops in the action. "Another terrorist with ties to radical Christlam has been brought to justice," Bush said. Bush pledged full cooperation with the United States in the continuing search for other terror cells across the dangerous Southern portion of the war-torn nation, an area still governed by ancient tribal councils under leaders known as Mayrers or Senters. Several terrorist bases rumored to be located in the rugged Great Smoky Mountains area of the Appalachians mountain range.

Robertson had been a target of CIA and FBI monitoring for some time, according to a Homeland Security spokesman, ever since the CBN was added to the State Department's list of terrorist organizations. Robertson had previously called for the use of nuclear weapons on Washington, DC and expressed support for vicious attacks on US schoolchildren by textbook manufacturers, as well as suicide bombers and gunmen on US hospitals and medical personnel.

Investigations into financial ties to radical "Christlam" are ongoing. Preliminary findings indicate a wide ranging network of ties deep within US corporations and institutions such as Citibank, Wal-Mart, Enron, Coors Brewing Company, Fox Broadcasting, and the US Executive branch.