The supreme being of infinite space and time today issued a statement through a representative, Arthur Eety of Lawrence, Kansas, apologizing for the collateral suffering caused recent attempts to visit divine justice upon sinner George W. Bush, US President (Ret.).
"When OUR WROTH is GREAT, says the LORD," said Eety, "OUR response must be equally GREAT. With regret WE apologize for OUR poor aim."
Eety further instructed reporters, in other King James English-inflected phrases, that Hurricane Katrina had been aimed at Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas, and that Hurricane Ophelia was intended to "blot that NEST of VIPERS, Washington DC, from the FACE of this EARTH." The complexity of the planetary weather system, especially due to changes recently (in cosmic terms) wrought by the Industrial Revolution and Global Warming, as well as the need to manage all of spacetime simultaneously, as well as slow approvals from local supernatural agents, were the main reasons for the errors, Eety explained. Eety said the Supreme Being promised to make the afterlife "better than ever" as recompense for the suffering refugees endured. "Unfortunately," Eety said, "WE must visit WROTH with the weather systems WE have."
The deity expressed hope that recent failures would not persuade followers to turn for help to rival beings of divine power, such as the Ultimate Embodiment of All Evil, in Christianity variously known as The Devil or The Democrat.
No direct response was provided to questions whether more precise tools, such as tornadoes, prophets, or Judges, were available for enacting divine policy. However, according to files made available by Eety, a 1939 tornado intended to remove Adolph Hitler from Chancellorship of Germany proved highly inaccurate, instead uprooting small children from their Kansas homes and carrying them to other lands, such as Australia.
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