US President George W. Bush (Ret.), speaking at a rare press conference Tuesday, discussed US plans for dealing with a potential avian flu outbreak. "Plans are in place," he stated, "to immediately provide vaccinations and anti-flu medications to the most important members of the Republican Party."
Bush added that US military forces were being retrained in use of entrenching tools to dig mass graves while simultaneously defending themselves from "diseased, zombie-like hordes" of civilians seeking food and medicine. All military personnel will receive printed materials reminding them of the "Kill the head, kill the zombie" rule and firing ranges are being kept open for extended hours to allow them to practice their shooting.
He also urged citizens to avoid risk of contracting avian flu by not speaking to or otherwise coming into contact with live, dead, or cooked birds, especially chicken, geese, and parrots, that appear diseased or dirty, and quarantining any suspected walking dead.
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