New Video iPod, iMac Offer Faster Rate of Unnoticed Deaths Per Minute

Statistics released by the United Nations World Health Organization (WHO) show that Apple Computer's new video-enabled iPod and webcam-equipped iMac will allow more preventable deaths to be ignored around the world, more quickly than ever before.

In great part due to the immense interest in Apple's products on the part of young people in first-world nations, and their need, once products are purchased, to stay close to electric outlets capable of charging or otherwise powering the devices, all forms of participation in charitable projects are down. The relentlessly empowered and upbeat consciousness instilled by content available for the devices -- primarily music, music video, and US network television -- also steers young people away from voluntarily entering environments with horrifying or depressing characteristics, such as sub-Saharan Africa, where the AIDS infection rate can reach the depressing, even horrifying rate of 38 percent of a country's population, despite comparable rates of jamming to Eminem and 50 Cent by youth. According to UNAids, the implementation of a comprehensive HIV prevention package could avert 29 million (or 63 percent) of the 45 million new infections expected to occur between 2002 and 2010. UNICEF reports that 0.30 USD can provide lifesaving antibiotics for a child suffering from pneumonia, and 1.00 USD immunizes a child against the deadly disease measles, while iPods retail for 99.00-499.00 USD. Nearly 11 million children each year – about 30,000 children a day – die before reaching their fifth birthday, mostly from preventable causes.

A Microsoft spokeman, speaking at Ziff-Davis Media's "Digital Life" conference held this weekend in New York City, said that his company's upcoming operating system, Windows Vista, would "break the back of bad-news awareness in ways Apple can only dream of," by being so enjoyable, so extensible, and offering so many options for entertainment, that a person could live their entire lifetime (translating to many generations in high death rate areas) without leaving their console.

Current rates of unharshed Pod-buzzes are at an estimated 35 percent of the North American households and climbing. A US government spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that "of course we encourage all forms of innovation, and this kind especially seems all right with me."

Leaders of several prominent nongovernmental charitable organizations called for immediate three-way videoconferences over DSL lines with the dying and misery-stricken to determine the parameters of the situation, and exhorted iPod accessory developers to bring forth a neon-colored solution that would enable digital music fans to instantly render aid at the touch of a click-wheel.