Gunsmoke and unanswered questions linger in the air today after Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary, opened fire with an M-4 assault rifle on news correspondents at this morning's press briefing.
Pandemonium erupted immediately upon McClellan's arrival, rifle held at his waist, gangland-style. By eyewitness accounts, ABC's Terry Moran was the first person hit by the high-powered rifle's explosive bullets. In a chain reaction, David Jackson of the Dallas Morning News was then felled by exploding pieces of Terry Moran. A large number of other journalists, including correspondents for foreign publications, reportedly lie dead or wounded.
The Washington Post's Peter Baker remains in serious condition at a DC-area hospital under armed guard provided by the newspaper's publisher. Baker, with a few lucky others, fled the scene at the first sign of carnage, dodging Secret Service personnel, attack dogs, and hordes of gawping tourists.
No word has been issued from the White House commenting on today's events. Conservative commentators were quick to note, however, that McClellan had repeatedly urged correspondents not to ask him to comment on an ongoing criminal investigation involving White House advisor Karl Rove, stating "you know what kind of person I am."
"This attack will undoubtedly be seen as a pivotal event in the history of American and world journalism," said commentator Mark Shields, reached for comment outside his home. Shields appeared to be hastily packing for a vacation but was reluctant to disclose the holiday destination.
In other news, Democratic senators have provided reporters with a suspiciously worded letter purportedly from party chairman Howard Dean, requesting their presence at an "extra-special private awards ceremony" at the Kennedy Center tonight. The letter is on DNC letterhead but the handwriting did not appear to be Dean's usual signature.
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