Hilary: Socks Was Agent in Right-Wing Conspiracy

Sen. Hilary Clinton (D-NY) has confided to her inner circle that Socks, the pet cat of the Clinton White House, was in fact a surgically altered spy in league with a surveillance team working for an ultra-conservative Congressional right-wing lobby.

During the early stages of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, now-Senator Clinton had made remarks to the effect that "a vast right-wing conspiracy" was responsible for rumors circulating about her husband's relationship with the White House Intern. Later she discovered that the rumors had basis in fact, and also the means by which conservatives had acquired the information. As with a cat trained to spy on Soviet diplomats (pdf), Socks was implanted with an antenna in his tail and a power source and microphone in his chest. After the discovery, she secretly had the implants removed by a friendly veterinarian while the family was on vacation in Martha's Vineyard. The devices were later used to upset the effort to impeach Mr. Clinton by providing misdirection to eavesdroppers.

Senator Clinton reportedly bears no ill-will towards the cat, which now resides at the Clintons' home in Westchester, NY. However, as a precaution, she now ensures that no pets are admitted to top-level meetings.