Strategic Rationale for Falkland Islands War Revealed

In the wake of declassification of a formerly top-secret mapping tool, British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw declined to answer questions Monday regarding the strategic underpinnings of the 1982 battle between the UK and Argentina over possession of the Falkland Islands.

At the time, many around the world expressed surprise and disbelief that in the age of the United Nations, a first-world nation like the UK would use military force to retain possession of a set of islands whose main industry appeared to be raising sheep. Some observers now point to a flood of postwar ventures as possible cover for the real strategic importance of the islands: drilling -- not for oil, nor for fun, but for strategic defense. For the Falklands (known as Las Malvinas in Spanish) are one of the very few areas of land on the globe where true endothetic access to mainland China is possible.

The Falklands have been subject to competing claims of sovereignty since their discovery. Since the undeclared war concluded, the UK and Argentina have resumed diplomatic relations but have not resolved claims of territorial sovereignty.

Giant rocket engines being used in secret NASA project to turn back time

Revolutionary new rocket engines developed by NASA are being used to slow and, it is hoped, reverse the rotation of the earth.

The engines, which are 200 metres high and 300 metres across, are reportedly "extremely efficient" compared to rockets in everyday use. They have been affixed to over 20,000 locations across North, Central, and South America and are "firing constantly," said a high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity.

By firing against the direction of Earth's rotation, a slowing and reversal of time is anticipated.

While the time stoppage will not be noticeable to ordinary residents of the planet, it will allow Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed President (Ret.) George W. Bush and a specially selected team of time travelers, including Land of the Spawn of Demon Seed Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice -- all of whom are continuing to spin at normal speed -- to travel back in time. According to sources, they plan to visit and lend assistance at several important historic events, including a deadly typhoon in Japan on November 7, 2006; a magnitude 6.4 earthquake in Bingöl, Turkey on May 1, 2003; and the sale of the first bikini on July 6, 1946.