Thursday, August 10, 2006

Plot to Imagine a Number Greater that 10 Uncovered

In a chilling reminder that Al-Quaeda continues to threaten the very foundations of biologic life on the planet, the UK's Scotland Yard issued a statement describing how it foiled the organization's latest plot.

Deputy Commissioner Paul Stephenson of Scotland Yard revealed that the plan intended to cause untold confusion and disorder in the public and unravel the molecular fabric of life itself. Stephenson said: "We believe that the terrorists' aim was, by subterfuge, to add two numbers to the counting system in use around the world, one named al-eben, and the other named twa'lif. We also believe that the intended targets were classrooms in the United Kingdom and the United States of America."

According to Stephenson, "significant" numbers of ethnic nonwhites are reportedly in custody and the operation will be in full swing until very close to the November two-zed-zed-six or even the November two-zed-zed-eight US elections. The operation was said to be "lengthly" and "complex," involving long division, multiplication, and even a special tool on loan from the US Central Intelligence Agency to determine prime numbers, which "al-eben" was said to be.

The UK was said to be at the highest level of terrorism alert, while the US had upgraded its condition to "Red" (significance unknown). Stephenson reassured the public that all appropriate safety measures were being taken to restrict travel, speech, discussion, protest, and thought of all UK citizens to ensure they are not exposed to the terrorist numbers.

He concluded, "We ask for people's continued help and patience at these very difficult times. We are genuinely looking to the public to remain calm, patient and vigilant. But we cannot stress too highly the severity that this plot represented. Put simply this was intended to be counting on an unimaginable scale."

In a question-and-answer session immediately after the statement he said that 21 people were currently in custody.

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