Monday, January 09, 2006

Twin Beds Avoided, For Now

US Vice (Acting) President Dick Cheney was treated at a Washington DC area hospital today for what aides characterized as a "breathing problem." It is not known whether Mr. Cheney's heart stopped at any time. He was treated by doctors and released a few hours later.

Mr. Cheney awoke at 3AM Monday morning and was immediately rushed to George Washington University Hospital after complaining of chest pains and shortness of breath, classic symptoms of a heart attack.

Admission to the hospital was held up briefly when White House Press Secrectary Scott McClellan, who rode with Cheney in the ambulance, was unable to provide information to questions posed by emergency room doctors about Cheney's medical history, and refused to characterize the event as a "heart attack."

In another hospital room, hopes for continued progress toward peace in the Middle East stirred when Israeli leader Ariel Sharon, recovering from brain death, was brought out of a medically induced coma and wobbled a finger on his left hand.

It was quickly pointed out that the left hand is traditionally the hand labeled "hate," while the right hand is the one labeled "love." Some experts, however, have argued that since Hebrew is written right to left, the left hand may be the hand of "love." Others have noted that since the Hebrew verb for "hate" is שׂנא ("sané"), and love is אחב ("ahev"), Sharon would need to have three fingers on both hands to be making a policy statement in Israel's official language.

No world leader has yet advanced the suggestion that policy be formulated by the non-comatose, non-brain-damaged Israeli Vice President, Ehud Olmert, though a resolution to do so is currently under debate in the Israeli Parliament.

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