In the wake of investigations into a suspicious giant burrito, the official guidelines for "Recognition of Suspicious Items" maintained by the US Department of Homeland Security are being reviewed for clarity, according to a weekend press conference statement.
Burritos of any size were not officially on the list, a spokesperson confirmed in response to reporters' questions.
"It might have made our list of 'Delicious Items,'" joked the spokesperson, but added, "Of course, we have to consider everything, especially things no one tends to think of. Nobody's ever heard of an explosive Macaroni & Cheese, but we've all heard of the file baked into a cake thing. It could depend on the form of the food." No particular cuisines were deemed especially apt to attract suspicion.
The representative later explained that there is no official "Delicious Items" list after fielding questions whether such a list might be released, and that the reference was figurative in nature.
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I have petioioned my two senators (DeWine and Voinovich) and repersenative (Hobson) for the creation of the "Delicious Items" list. Currently my plans for a lobbying office on K street are slow in starting. I will try to talk to every person I meet to establish a constituency. I must not stop the fight to leave my mark on the government that I will leave to my children. Perhaps I should join forces with Wonka, he is sure to benifit from such a list. He is just as sure to want influence on the writing of regulations that will accompany such a list.
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