Al-Qaeda Statement Rejects "Doom" Review as False

A statement posted on an Internet forum, claiming to be written by Al-Qaeda in Hollywood leader Tariq al-Farsaleh, vehemently denies the possibility that a review of the movie Doom posted on the movie fan site Aint-It-Cool-News was truly written by a fan.

In part, the statement reads: "We utterly reject and condemn teh review as treacherous, false, and planted. It is a blasphemy upon nature, and based upon the self-deceptions and imagination of the trickster Globe Spinners [Universal Studios] and their evil agents."

The review, purportedly written by a person who plays video games, but has never played Doom, gives a qualified, but in the end very positive, response to the movie. It has drawn numerous criticisms from Al-Quaeda in Hollywood sympathizers, who have called for a massive boycott of the film as a response.

Among the deepest criticisms tendered was the (unfounded) rumor that the action of the film did not take place on Mars, unlike its video-game source. Recent press has led "hard" science-fiction adherents to embrace the recent film Serenity, and to complain that Doom's plot also does not involve a trip to a recognizably Judeo-Christian/Muslim version of Hell, as does the video game.

Other sources have called the film "Uwe Boll's best videogame adaptation yet" and "by far the worst movie I have seen in the last few years." The previous movie acclaimed as "worst" was the 2000 film Dungeons & Dragons, which Al-Qaeda in Hollywood cited as an incitement to topple the Hollywood studio system in a 2002 chatroom posting.